Heyyy!
BAShine Camp 2011 have officially come to an end! Can really say that I learned a lot from this camp, be it in character or experience. Really am grateful for everyone who came together and make this camp happen :> It might not be the best camp but I know we all gained something from it.
The second night was the best. Touched by everyone's actions and gectures. Never expected them to reflect upon themselves and then come up to all of us and apologise. Just so shocked but in a good way ofc :> Had a surprise birthday celebration from the committee as well! Was reallyreally happy and touched by it. I never expected them to remember and celebrate it in advance. I love all of you, really.
Right now, its just another 5 days before I depart for China. I was thinking about this when we went to sleep last night. I am really sad to leave all of them here while I go to another foreign land for 5 weeks. Just so sad.. I just wished everything would remain the same, even after 5 weeks. I will miss all of my friends :(
Me iz so dead tired. No joke.
Slept for 3hours+ and workshop from 9am to 5pm is really cannot. I feel so tired I can cry.
Idk why but I feel that this is not the way we want things to turn out. I think its a lil screwed. But I shall have faith and hope this can be better.
Excited for the night though!
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Heyy
Tomorrow marks the start of the busybusy week. I hope this camp can go smoothly and as planned! Hopefully, the campers will have fun :>
Exams are overrrr! :> Went for dim sum buffet and got my early birthday present! heh. They bought me a crumpler camera bag nyannyan, gonna use it in china! Dance practice was surprisingly fun, hopefully it will be as fun in xiamen.
Clique outing today! We. Need. To. Have. One. More. After. Oip! Love you all <3
Whooooo!
Last paper last paper last paper tomorrowwwwww!
Done with FMGT, stupid careless again. #forever Didn't leave early cause I went to check for careless but still missed out one :( ohwellz its over already!
Can't wait for tomorrow! Dim sum buffet omnomnomnom. It has been too long yumz.
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Got to stop all this nonsense. I got to wake up. This is so stupid, I cannot stand it anymore. Argh. #stupidmariisstupid I am stronger than this. I can do it.
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Head have been hurting since I woke up yesterday morning. This is really bad. Feels like someone is squeezing my head like a lemon.
On a brighter note, audit is over. See you again next year!
Have been visiting the past these few days. Bittersweet memories. I miss the past. I miss my friends. I miss my bestfriends. I miss you and you and you and you. Ultimately, I just miss the happy times with you.
15 more days to China. Kill me. Totally dreading it.
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Just woke up. Well, kind of fail cause I didn't study a single shit after I reached home last night. Told myself, 10mins nap and you shall go study. Fell asleep till 7+ with all the lights and stuff on. Yup, my mum woke up for work and had to ask me to sleep properly ha ha ha. Haiz
Audit's tomorrow and I reallyreally want an A. Shall be productive today.
What's wrong with you? Or rather, what's wrong with me. I look forward to it so much and when it comes, I just had to end it so abruptly. Really too much. Ohwell, guess this is defense mechanism.
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Recalled how we met and everything we've done together. If it isn't love what else could it be?
Twitter
Studying at starbucks right now and kinda feel that there is an overload of emotions. Maybe its the playlist or maybe its just the tweets that I'm seeing. Feeling a tinge of emptiness. ANYWAY, LET'S STUDY AND MAKE TODAY PRODUCTIVE.
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You're so easy to fall in love with
But not this time, not anymore.
Had a great day yesterdayy! :D it has been so long since I felt this contented and happy :> Can't wait for exams to end then I can enjoy my short holidays before I go xiamen.. :(
I should study until I die but I'm watching hk drama now. #procrastinationkills
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Heyy!
Had a mini gathering with some primary school friends just now! :> Had salted caramel and we went to liquid kitchen to have a drink! Quite cool huh, from naive 12year olds to being adults and drinking and chatting. Time flies and waits for no one. Took quite a number of photos. Hope to have class gathering soon, probably when I come back from china! :>
Been studying all this while, not productive I guess. #foreversleeping Can only hope to get through this 3 exams smoothly.
Study and dinner with the team tomorrowwww! <3 Its been too long since I last had dinner with this two. nyannyannyan.
Heyy
It have been a long long day and I'm exhausted. I have not touched my notes at all today and I'm really guilty. Really too much, time is running out :< Supposed to check out the bags this morning but nothing's done except to eat pizza hut hahaha #fail. Back to school to watch movie. I guess I watched it like the 3rd time already but its still nice :> BANG was not bad, just wasn't so fantastic for me though!
Received a text from someone and I'm feeling so happy :> Although I know you only remembers me whenever you need something, but I will still be here for you :> This promise, I will never break.
feeeeeeling so hurt.
Here comes the study week again, which means staying up till wee hours and thinking a lot.
I hate to be misunderstood and worse, get scolded for it. I mean, if you're unhappy with it, tell me? I rather you tell me than to scold me on social networking sites. Yup. The feeling of getting scolded when you did nothing wrong, you know that feeling?
I don't know if I'm doing what I should do. I hate getting attached to some people then one day, they leave. I don't like people walking out of my life, friends that I treasure a lot. I'm worried that this 5 weeks in China would change everything, friends family studies and some other stuff. I'm scared, for real. I need assurance that things are gonna be the same. But no matter how much assurance I get, I know things are going to change. Change is the only constant in life. When life gets hectic, we tend to forget that there are people who we should and need to stay in contact with. You can't deny it. Even now, with the exams nearing, I have already sort of gave up on maintaining friendships with some people. Not that I don't want to, its just that I'm just too busy. Moreover, why should I always be the one who initiate it? Communication is a two-way thing.
This really suck, its always during this time frame that I will be feeling like shit. I should get back to studying. #unproductivedayonceagain
I'm still in my bed at this timing. Finally there's a day where I can wake up late and disregard everything else.
Yesterday was BACare event and subcomm bonding day! I think clement, jiahui, lewis and me are crazy to go for the event. It was at 7am omg. Ohwell, at least the job was easy. After that, headed home to change while clement and lewis waited for me at central :)
Subcomm bonding day was gooood! :> I had fun and the food was omnomnomnom. Headed off for dinner with some of them and whooo, I had fun talking to them :) Settled some camp stuff too so it was a productive day. Really enjoyed myself with them nyannyan.
Through it all, I can say that I worked hard enough to deserve this.
I'm not sad anymore cause I know I deserve it more than those who got it. I was meant for greater stuff :) #quotesfromroxanne
This is for honghui too! :>
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Usually, I just stare at this space for God knows how long. And no words come out. Its not supposed to be like this, there are tons of stuff I want to type in here but I can't get them out. Why? I don't know, maybe I guess I don't want to be judged. People judge, whether they want to or not.
omg the hk drama I'm watching now is so scary ._. T.T Who the hell would be so sick to think of such storyline urgh.
Disappointments after disappointments. When will I ever get my way? Maybe never.
Looking forward to subcomm bonding day tomorrow even though ann, aizhen and derick are not going :< What am I'm gonna do without them? Joining this might just be one of the best decisions I have made in my life.
And all you wanted was things to be fine. Life isn't that easy. I guess I just have to lower expectations and see how it goes.
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Yet another day, full of ups and downs.
First half of the day was good. EAA test went well and I survived 2 dry revision lectures. Camp registration was gooooood! :> I'm happy with the number, ohyeah (y) Went off for crab feast at thomson! whoo! Satisfied much.
Well, I guess not a single day can be filled with perfection. Drama, yet again. I don't know how to feel anymore. Anger? Sadness? Hurt? Disappointed? Frustrated? I guess it's a mixture of them. I really hope the situation turns well, I'm so sick and tired of having this shit every single time.
I miss the old times. When it was way easier for me, when I was happy, truly happy. I guess change is the only constant in life and we got to move on and get used to the every changing hectic world.
Don't be sad anymore. You know I'm here. I'm always here, here for you in whatever you do. Do not lose hope, do not feel inferior cause unlike the others, you're real. I know those advices probably won't help cause I've been through it. Do what you wanna do, just know I will support you always. Cheer up, J <3
Life have been damn mundane and sad and sian and everything sucky.
I mean yes, there are happy times, especially with BAShine but still :< Haiz, thought we are done for CLSP but NO, found some super duper stupid mistake. Urgh want to kill myself.
I feel so sad today. It just hits me suddenly, idk why, maybe there's a lot of stuff happening around me. Sometimes when I walk home from the busstop, I want to cry ._. wahpiang like some pms woman.
HAIZ LIFE SUCKS. I SUCK. SCHOOL SUCKS.
:(
I think I got depression ._.
